My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
