im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
