tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
