its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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