hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
