My sheets look like a crime scene.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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