There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
