shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
