worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
there's paper in my vomit.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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