Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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