Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
