my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize