so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
