i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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