bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
A+ Viking dick
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
