I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
