i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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