I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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