see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
