I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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