Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
