How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
