Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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