i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
