I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
