bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
