there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
