maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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