My sheets look like a crime scene.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
