I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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