Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
