Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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