I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
