i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
