Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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