I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
