you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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