I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
