Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
