the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
