i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
