what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
did i walk over a car last night?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
