Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Dicks are not precious.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
