You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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