DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Randomize
