I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
