I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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