I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
