I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
