the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
