dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
