I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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