These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
