Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
