the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
