Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
