I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
he puts the penis in happiness.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
