the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
