found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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