you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
