Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
where does the pee come out of this thing
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
