We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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