Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
