Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
