your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
