when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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