You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
