You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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