benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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