so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
In America we eat man semen.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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