When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize