Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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