Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
