Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
