She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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